SAY HOW YOU FEEL
Putting others first is something that is ingrained into us from a young age, however very often this leads to resentment and frustration. Especially if you’re the one constantly giving in to others . You see, when you constantly bend and mould around other people needs they don’t value you at all. You just become an option. A doormat. Yes in life there are times you have to compromise, that’s being an adult. However if no one is considering your needs and wants then frankly start suiting yourself!
If it ain’t a win/win there has to be one loser. I once had to go a party on my own, my ex didn’t want to come. I never said how annoyed I was. I never said that it was hurtful and I felt like a tool walking into the party on my own and making excuses for his absence. I never spoke up for myself and told this person that I wanted him to come, it was important to me. I let him away with it and guess what….I was miserable, not him!
SAY IT AT THE TIME. IT’S LIKE HANDING A PERSON
ONE TISSUE AT A TIME INSTEAD OF
LOBBING THE WHOLE BOX AT THEIR HEAD!
FILL YOUR DIARY
They are waiting on a better offer. Fill your diary with people who want to see you and whose company you enjoy. If you find you have a blank spaces, do something nice for you. Do something that makes you really happy. Relax and enjoy the time out. Not every minute of every day has to be filled. Why burn out in December and spend January recovering? Spread your energy and welcome the New Year feeling great.
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
There are of course those days where you will have to spend time with people you are not so fond of and that is just the way it is. It’s called adulting.
Walking into an event dressed as a knight in shining armour may feel like the only way you can protect yourself but its not very practical!
Here’s some tips:
- Drive- have a get away planned. You don’t want to hang around waiting on a taxi or a lift.
- Give yourself a time limit. 30 mins or one hour is usually more than enough. Do not stay any longer. If it’s very awkward leave, your car is right outside!
- Pay a compliment to the host. (How nice the exit looks should probably be avoided!)
- Go armed with conversation topic. I still love Bridget Jones- she went to a function all ready to talk about Chechnya. Find a subject, anything that you can talk about for five minutes. Don’t get all political, someone will try to trip you up. Just keep it general, superficial and fluffy.
- If the comments start coming just smile. It’s their issue, don’t take it personally they are just unhappy.
- Have something nice planned for after. So that while your making small talk you can secretly be thinking about your treat. (Perhaps a valium!)
AVOID THE SHOPS & AVOID DEBT
Instead of buying presents and over extending yourself financially spend quality time with people. Do day trips and lunch instead. They are far more memorable and meaningful than any gift. Most people just want your presence not your present.
If you have to go shopping then go in November and take advantage of the Black Friday sales. I know it’s obvious. Shop early – who knew? One year I didn’t set foot inside a shop for the whole of December. If you forget something go shopping late Christmas eve, I went to Tesco at 5pm the time I was home. I bought loads of stuff at a fraction of their price. I filled up the freezer too and didn’t have to go near a shop for most of January. Win/Win!
I reckon I could fill a plane with all the people who have confided in me that they would love to do the same. Experiencing another culture and how they “do”or “not do” Christmas really opens your eyes and puts life into perspective.
Celebrate how you want. Be true to you. You only get one life so spend it how you want. The people who love you will be happy for you. If they are not then you really should question your affiliation with them.
You can have a Christmas “do” before you go or even better, have a slide show party when you come back. Bore them all senseless with your amazing adventure. That’s what I always do! You will have amazing memories too and winter will be even shorter.
CELEBRATE IN YOUR OWN UNIQUE WAY- NO MATTER HOW IT MAKES OTHERS FEEL. THAT’S THEIR ISSUE NOT YOURS.
If you would like some help making those changes and living a life that’s true to how you feel join me for Personal Development Coaching.
EMOTIONAL SUCCESS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MATERIAL GAINS
About the Author:
Sinéad Kennedy is a Physical Therapist, Yoga Siromani and Pilates Instructor. She has recently qualified as a Personal Development Coach. Based in both Rathfarnham and Dundrum, South County Dublin. She treats and teaches people from all walks of life, including many athletes, especially cyclists, runners and golfers. Recently featured in the Irish Independent, FIT Magazine, her Yoga 4 Cyclists class has gained notoriety.
A keen cyclist and proud member of Orwell Wheelers she has completed numerous cycling events including Les Cingles du Mont Ventoux & La Marmotte Sportive. She is an accomplished audax-er having done numerous 200km and 300km routes. Sinéad has also completed three Dublin City Marathons, numerous Adventure Races and Half Marathons.